sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
