you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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