it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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