New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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