I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
