cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
