is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
