so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
