Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
