you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
two words: eviction party
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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