dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
