So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
