great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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