the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
