Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
