Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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