she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
