my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
