Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
