in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
try to milk me bitch
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
