YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
