I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
