the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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