thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
