I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The best revenge is premature balding
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
