Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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