i jhust puked up my retainher.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
