i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
