I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I fill condoms, not promises.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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