im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
