your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
