ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
