I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just googled if crying burns calories
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
