I want to walk on stilts...naked
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
