ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
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