I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
