good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
