Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
A+ Viking dick
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
