the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
