Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just found puke in my bra..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
