I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
