You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
