I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
