He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
