you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
