Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
