and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I could fuck to npr.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
