finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
