Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
