arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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